hey babes,
whats up, lovelies? i've fasted for 39 hours. and i'm now 258.4 lbs. so happy [: . and it's friday.
damn french class where a girl made french apple tarts for the class for extra credit. (112 cal) meh, could have been worse. gonna do my workouts today and then i will have worked out all week long, what a change.
ok, so theres this girl. We'll call her E, and she's a freshman and really a cool person.(she along w/ me and H will be doing that summer job thingy ... if her dad finally agrees, and she's the one who convinced me to try out for Color Guard, anywho back to the story) well, she dropped a sizeable amount of weight this year and looks amazing. she said she did it doing the negitive cal diet. so she comes to me a few days ago and says, in passing, that she's been so busy lately that she hasn't eaten in 2 days. and she asked why i was so sore, and i gave her the 100 workout to do, she's really into working out. so i dunno if she is "like me" or if she's just a health concious girl? and i don't know if it's "alright" for me to want a buddy to help me at this. i feel really alone (with the exception of you guys, no one understands *SIGH*) and i want someone to tell my secrets to who won't judge me.
god, i feel really horible for wanting this but i do. i don't want her to be "sick" but if she already is then i want a friend in this.
also, apparently my friends have been talking about me. in a good way. i heard from a thrid source that H and S were talking about how they like that i'll speak my mind no matter what the consiquences and E's sister (who is also in Color Guard) said i was pretty much as good as a veteran. and E was in Choir a few days ago and said she liked my eyes alot (they're a smokey grey blue, damn i need those pictures. soon, i promise!!!!
Hope i'm not that bad,
Elle
Comments on comments:
Sofia: aww, well thank you, it's my favorite along with thin girls who have the off the sholder oversized sweaters. i like those alot!
Cinn: HAHA me too, i'm not doing nearly enough work for me to actually feel good. i don't know, babe. hehe,thanks to you too!!
(took a poo *sorry sorry, i'll never get over the TMI* i'm now at 258.0, YAYYYY *does weight loss happy dance*)
Congrats on your fast, you're amazing! I agree, I wish I had someone outside of this community who goes through the same things I do and feels the same way about food. Being alone is scary, it's natural for us to want a friend in this! Your eyes sound really pretty, blue eyes are gorgeous! Good luck, stay beautiful! :)
ReplyDeleteI am new to reading you but I caught up on the last 10 posts and I just wanted to comment. I see a pattern of fasting for a period of time... losing weight (water weight... not real weight), being happy, and then rewarding yourself with a binge... gaining weight (real weight), and fasting again to compensate. This is just in the last 10 posts... I didn't go back and read everything... but I remember being there.... hating myself and starving, and then being proud of myself and "rewarding". Obviously it's not working and you should maybe consider another tactic. My favorite is to give yourself a calorie deficit goal for the week. So, if you want to lose a pound per week, (a REAL pound), you need a deficit of 3500 calories in the week. If you mess up one day, you just have to make it up the next day. If you eat more than you wanted to, then you need to exercise more to get your deficit up. I am personally not the picture perfect ANA.. I don't practice anymore for multiple reasons, mostly self preservation, but I was in your shoes for many years and I just wanted to suggest something that worked for me.
ReplyDeleteLOL I loved that last part. It just made me love you even more. But great blog. Excellent thinspo!
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