hehe, been gone for a while haven't i. well sorry bout that. i had quite a "eventful" week. well, on thursday i was sexualy harrased and then all week i've been crap about eating but no more than 1000 cal per day so not HORRIBLE.and today i went to the Hospital b/c i had cripling pain in my side. adn then it went away and the blood tests said nothing buttttt, o well. i'm 259.5 so i lost, which is good, i'm gonna try and fast for 2 day next week, we'll see. i haven't read a blog in FOREVER so i don't know who's doing what so sorry about that and thinspo has gone to hell so... i'll try to get my act together. expect thinspo post in days to come and maybe a post or two soon, i'll love on ya guys later.
Elle

i was angry and pissed off, and i know i'm too hard on everyone but all my life it seems that i've been the only one who puts my whole soul into a relationship(be it familial or romantic). maybe i'm just one of those people who can't help but want everything.

well, anywho, i weighted myself, because i couldn't stand not knowing. i'm 260.3. next week will be alright, i'm not going to force myself to fast b/c i know i'll fail. so it's gonna be mainly negitive cal veggies and fruit and soups. although i've planned to have a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner wensday as a little incentive to make it through the rest of the week. i think i can do this.

planning on being 240 by december around this time. that's 20 lbs. i can do this it's childsplay. only 10 lbs per month. watch me go.

Elle

UPDATE
GOD FUCKING DAMMNIT ALL TO HELL ASS BITCH TITS SHIT, sorry. apparently my mom has been talking to my dad about how i only eat liquids or i'm on some kind of diet. WTF. i thought she was at least a little cooler than the fucking 14 year olds in JR high who talk about people behind their back. frankly i'd rather her talk to me face to face than have to hear about it FROM MY DAD. whom i LOATHE. today i said i was going to have soup for dinner, it's a lie so ok i get that i suck, but they made me fat, they didn't stop me when i was young enough to change harmlessly so now i have to do it the hard way. and i'm NOT ending up like them. they're both fat and don't wanna change. I WANT TO. and when i tell her this she says ok, that she'll help and THE NEXT FUCKING DAY she brings home swiss rolls and nutty bars, thanks for the help, motherfucker. i don't give a shit what i does to my life, i refuse to be relegated to her shitty life.

sorry for this rant but i am LIVID right now, and i might have to eat this weekend, which just pisses me off even more. GARRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!


hi, lovelies.

my brother has hogged the computer all week so i haven't updated much, sorry. well, to catch you up, tuesday to wensday i fasted for 40 hours. then i got my period, yeah, and then i MADE my mom order chinese. then i ate some, thursday was kinda a bust, i was gonna fast again but too much temptation. so i ate more chinese food and then i threw the rest away, so maybe 800 cal on the day's i wasn't fasting. today is a fast. i'm going all weekend, no exceptions. and then next week will be liquids or just neg cal food.haven't decided.

haven't wieghed myself but i'm dying to, it's killing me not knowing how i'm doing. i think i'm doing alright but who knows??

i REALLY need to catch up on blogs, as i said my brother has had the computer all week and i've had homework like you wouldn't beleive and i decided to do NHS this year (National Honor Society, epic on college apps) so i'm writing and essay on top of that.

love you all, and btw: this week's thinspo will be miss taylor momsen. probably sat. or sun. today's is Emma Stone, i want her hair. badly.
Elle

i've been fucking sucking haven't i. well, that is no more, i'm fasting now. and i'm gonna do it long term. i have a choir concert tonight and homework to do. but i've realized that if i wanna lose weight i NEED to start now, nobody is gonna come along and volunteer to take the 100+ pounds of flesh from my body so i gotta do it myself, NOW. my fingers feel like ice and i'm shivering but i'll be tiny when i finish. people will notice me on the sidewalk, ask my questions. and i'll tell them how lovely it is being 20 lbs lighter than they currently are.

so it's all up to me, isn't it. i've gotta deal with this weight thing once and for all, here i go.

now onto different notes. last two days i've binged, and i condoned it b/c i was fine last week, well not anymore, what the HELL did i do to deserve that doughnut, nothing, sit on my ass and whine. well, too bad all you get is air. i refuse to weight myself b/c i KNOW i'm gonna be HUGE, i can feel it, i'm not weighting myself for at least 2 weeks.

you all are so strong and all i wanna be is worthy of you guys,
Elle

Thinspo Post 2

hi, hope it tides you over the weekend, i won't be home tonight until midnight and sunday i've got homework to do so i'll see you guys monday i guess.
Love and admiration,
Elle

I. suck. suck. suck. oh well. for the last 2 days since i've been "lax" about cal intakes i've gone over. my mom brought home doughnuts from her meeting and a "white" pizza. don't think i went over 2000 but still, i'm a fucking hefer. definately gained back that weight. stupid.

it's homecoming weekend and me, being too cool for school, is going to cedar point with my friend and one of her church friends. and my friend's parents but they are just dropping us off. i'm gonna have an entire day at an amusement park surrounded by fried FAT and 40 bucks to blow. i'll try REALLY hard girls but i can't make promises.

i have a little homework(math, RFC *reading for college*, and AP. Gov.) butttt... i now officially have a GPA of 3.9, i brought it up from 3.1 at the start of this year. you guys have no idea how estatic i am. i am 1.1 points away from a perfect GPA. i could die, i'm so happy.


also, as of that cold i had, well, now i can't hear my ears are poping so bad and i can't breath out of my nose. i feel like shit, but the only way for me to breath is to stand up and walk, so hello paceing those calories goodbye.

gotsta get back up to date on all your guy's blogs. i send showers of love your way.
Elle

tummy MAGIC thinspo today.

haha, lost more weight, dunno whether it's b/c i'm sick or if my body has FINALLY given in but i don't care. i'm 257.3 . a 40.37 BMI, so close. so far all i've had to eat is 1/2 a juice/protien drink (220 cal) and i'm thinking i need to be leinient the rest of this week, i need my strength. so my max is 800 but preferably 600. i'm also supercharging my diet with protien this week to get over this cold.

went to the docter's yesterday, they gave me sterioids for me asthma b/c it's been getting worse lately. and i got anti-biotics for my cold. and i got to stay homw another day. it's gonna be a BITCH getting caught up in all my classes, oh well, more work to make me eat food less. *sigh* well i have to be off of here by the time my mmom gets home at 2pm so i better start reading what i missed yesterday.

Love,
Elle

black and white thinspo today. to remind you of the simple things in life.

holylovingmotherofgod, i lost weight! this is estatic news. i'm now a rotund but smaller 259.6 lbs and i'm almost outta the 40's in BMI (40.76 i think). I'm officialy outta the 260's...NEVER to return. EVER. AGAIN.

well, apparently i cought my little brothers gripe (sorry for all you who don't speak french, it's like a cold and a flu had babies.) i have a sore throat with that nasty phlem crap, and my head feels like there are elephants at play in it. butttt, good news is that i have been relegated to jello, soup, water and pudding and ice cream (hahaha, like i'd touch those sweets after what they've done to me. *spits on ice cream and pudding containers*)

well, that about drys my wit and thoughts up, i'm off to sleep and read a book.
Love
Elle

this ladies and gents (if your out there??) is the wonderful and AMAZINGLY TINY Maggie Q.