MAKE ME STOP!!

hey loves,

the illusive Elle has graced you with her appearance (*snort* as if, basically i've been binging for the last 2-3 days and have been ashamed, but it's not your guys' fault so i must at least report in to give my non-progress.)

i wanna fast today and tomorrow, but it's a weekend so we'll see. basically, i just wanna stay under 500 cal, which means no snacking or food until dinner. ABC has been out the window since my first binge attack so...blegh.

with that (the 500 cal/day ) and no exercise i could be 235-ish by June, with light exercise 1-3 times a week i'll be 230-ish. with moderate activity i'll be 225, i want it. I was 263.2 this morning *sob*

i keep listening to I Feel Pretty/Unpretty from glee, and i keep wanting to cry.

Lovely strong girls for thinpo,
Love and Binge free-ness,
Elle






*just pooped (TMI, i know sorry) and i was 261.6, better, still sucks though*

ABC Day 2

bonjour loves,

well, i finished my fast at 43 hours of total fasting time and got down to 257.2 which i was sooooo happy to see. then i kinda mini-binged, maybe 1000 cal or less, was not at all what i could have been, seeing as i haven't touched my Easter candy yet. and i won't until i see 250. i was 259.0 this morning which was good, but i got my period and have therefore been super-bitch all day. Even snapping at S.

today is a 500 day and i'm at 448 now so i could eat something small (like Miso soup for 25-30 cal) to appease the parents but i wanna stop and not tempt myself.

today was the Mock Wreck, it was cheesey like fucking natchos (this is a very funny looking word) and really damn windy. Also, my job shadow looks as if it will work out and it's gonna be really cool, i get to skip school Thursday and sit in on college classes, i'm stoked, it's tomorrow (also a funny word) and monday.

Mme. F (let's call her that) , my french teacher, has instated a new rule in class, everyone must speak french the enitre 45 minute period or else they will loose points. i like it because i'm good at working my way around a word i don't know or finding some way to express my meaning. I LOVE THE FRENCH LANGUAGE, it's so pretty. i like the words expecially, they express so much meaning.

oh gosh this post is so long compared to my others, aww well.

COMMENTS ON COMMENTS:Amer- (americaneaglelove) Amer is your nickname now, hope you likes >.< . Anywho, OMG that's an insane amount of calories, how long were you playing for?? sadly no, i don't have a horse though i like on a larger peice of land and have a barn with 2 stables in them. we also have a sorta pasture, the gates got taken off, it would be a really cool place if i had a horse.plus it's like INSANELY expensive for upkeep and care so prolbably not gonna happen.

Cinn- aww, your welcome babie, we all need a little support now and then, keep plugging through it, you'll find a better way through soon.

p.s.-
i'm in love with these motivation posters


they are soo good at atoping my binges in their tracks, also i'm getting really into Fitspo. i love the toned bodies of those girls. (god, i'm a creeper, i'mma go now)
i'll do a fitspo thinspo post soon.

Love my little chick-a-dees,
Elle

Fast Track

hey loves,

well friday-saturday fast did not go well. i went 20 hours and then mini-binged. so sunday i decided it was fasting time for me. i'm now 39 hours into it and i'm alright. my stomach keeps rumbling and i'm a little spacy by it's fine. i don't know how long i'll go. probably just till tonight. then i wanna do ABC, and not chicken out this time. i'm actually counting today as my first ABC day b/c it's supposed to be 500 cal.

urg, tomarrow i have to stand in the rain for 4 hours for Mock Wreck (anti-underage drinking event before prom toshow us the horrors of teen drinking and drinking and driving) and then i have job shadow day on Thursday. Basically i get to shadow someone for 4 hours and have the rest of the day to myself. it's gonna be really fun if i can get all the logistics worked out, i wanna shadow a Anthropology Professor at the local community college.

some of you asked what my fave activity/sport is, well here it is:
-Softball
-Tennis (though i'm not very good i like the sport)
-Swimming (i don't have a pool so it's basically the YMCA for me. which sucks b/c people i know from school go/workout there and i would rather not see/workout near them.)
-Running (again asthma keeps me from doing it too well but it's an amazing anger release)
-horseback riding (if it's considered "Exercise" per se. though i've had to stop recently b/c i'm too damn fat.)

I'm 258.2 and happy, it doesn't get much better.
I Love You All,
Elle

I just can't stay away

hey lovlies,

Fast number one was a success and i was at 258.something by Wednesday, and then sleepover, which as my sleepovers can go, food wise, was pretty good. a bit of Chinese food and Doritos.

was at 262.4 this evening so hoping for a 261 to start my fast tomorrow, from 10 pm tonight - 10 am Saturday. 36 hours, it sounds lovely. if i could possibly go Saturday w/o eating it would make my day. salad and light Italian dressing for dinner (2 servings,400 cal all together) so like 800 for the day. bravo.

here's fingers crossed for a binge free weekend for all, enjoy your spring breaks/Easters/or just nondenominational weekends, whatever the may hold.
Elle

hey, quick question: what's all of your guy's workouts like? i need to find one that i can do and not feel like it's torture. i like yoga and dancing but would rather not do them in public.
LOVE,
Elle, again.

ABC + me = CANCELLED

hey lovlies,

so, i hope you can glean that i've decided to not do ABC right now, it's just that with my schedule it isn't gonna work. today i saw Hanna in the theater with H. it was good, but the camera bouncing gave me a headache. Wednesday i'm going to Cleveland with H to see her sister's, B, art show. We're also gonna see Jane Eyre up there which will make my life. it looks sooooo gooood. i've ended up fasting today, this morning i was 262.8 so i just felt like a fucking hefer. i Can probably make it the whole day, but if i don't i just wanna weigh myself before i have to eat.

my plan is to permanently make it outta the 260's by Monday of next week. which s do-able.

sorry for the shortness but i only had a little time.
here we go,
Elle

**EDIT**
i binged, well not really but i felt like i did (scratch that it was a massive intake of crap). Damage Done = 2 foils of poptarts (800 cal, oh god kill me), 7 generic oreos (490 cal), and most of a bowl of pasta(500-600 cal). TOTAL *closes eyes* = 1890 cal. i'm gonna go die now.

took almost 3 times the recommended dose of laxies and now i'm gonna go sleep/cry. my fast barely lasted 19 hours.

plan: tomorrow = FAST
Wednesday-Thursday = try not to show my food problems around H, S, and my family
rest of Thursday-Saturday = FAST
Sunday = try to gain some semblance of control or normalcy back.

hope you all are stonger than this lame dick i call my self-control.
i'll be out for a while, i'll talk to you all when i can look myself in the mirror.
Elle

I'M FREE!!!!

YESSS~~~~

i'm on my spring break. one week of whatever i wanna do. funky thing is, we had hail here through out the day. it was crazy, at sometimes it was coming down so hard i thought the windows were going to break.

this afternoon i was 259.4. i have broken 260 which it good, lets hope i keep it that way. ABC starts to marrow,and today wasn't disastrous, so hopefully no gain.

spent the entire day (well, 4 hours really) cleaning my house. i swept and vacuumed and cleaned counters and tables. i was a regular Martha Stewart. made lunch, fish fillets and cheese sticks (those were the only real day wreckers, but i only had 5)

i'm doing good babies. here's to feeling good while i can.

Comments on Comments:
americaneglelove-i know, she's a scary likeness, and AWWWW *blush* i don't know about being as pretty as her, i'm pretty plain.

M- yeah, those were all the same girl, just that one was professionally done and the rest we're taken "unprofessionally".

Ayla- thank you, i use her every time i see her in the halls. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FAST TOMORROW!!! keep at it babe!!

Cinn- ohhh, the Afrikaans was pretty, i wish i could hear you speak it. English was better before the modernage, i'm thinking shakespear/medival times.

OHH YOU ALL KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU,KEEP YOURSELVES DOING WELL,
Elle

i got ya!!

the pic i posted last post:

get this, not actually mairanda kerr, her name is Q****. and she is a senior at my school. kill me, right. life is fucking unfair. she's some kind of fucking doppleganger for Miranda Kerr, and she just happens to shove her perky little ass (did i mention that she is a sex kitten, she's tiny, has boobs and an ass that make her riduculoisly hot, just saying) right in my face...EVERY DAY.

Pics:



in better for my self-esteem news, things are better with S, i dunno what but something changed today where she wasn't whine-y today or anything. it was a good day. except for eating. i ended up having to buy lunch for H, and one cannot just buy a lunch for someone else w/o buy themselves a lunch sooo, and then mom took me to dinner. *FAILURe STAMPED ON FOREHEAD*
tomarrow is definite fast and THEN i'll wait till spring break for the ABC. it'llbe easier w/o the looming eyes of the people at my school. and by the 2nd week of the ABC it'll be easy to stay within the cal bounds.

Comments on Comments:
Rachel- holy hell you're back, you were gone for so long. hi, i've gotta go to your blog now and read your latest posts. i'm glad to hear from you babe.

Cinn- S can be trying at a lot of times but i love her and i'm in love with her and she's only the way she is because of the fucked up shit that's happened to her. i'm 95% sure that the only reason she became die hard christian is so she could have that sense of security. eventually she's realize that she has to pull her head outta the sand or she won't and i'll be there to pick up the peices when she breaks. i love her. my paper is good actually. one of my better works of last minute greatness, so hopefully it'll earn the grade it should get. also, what language was that? icelandic or maybe norwegian? north europeian? do tell. LOVES YOU!!

Ayla- Thanks babe, my paper is good and i'm just trying to breath through the failure that i'm incurring.

moonlight- hehe, see above, i hate/adore her (...Q, not Kerr, for her there is only love and envy in my heart) soo much. she really isn't a nice person but she's insanely gorgeous.

right now i have 2 0 cal cokes beside me (yes...2, i'm a greedy mo-fo)and i'm good,
hope you all are amazing today/tonight,
Elle

impromptu fast, here i come

*WARNING*
the following post may contain language not suitable for all viewers, Viewer discression is advised.
*BEEP,BEEP,BEEP*


i'm back up to 262.2. fuck it all. i'm fasting this fucking weight off. WATER AND GUM only, no exceptions. and when i'm done with the fast it's ABC time. along with my workout schedule. let's rock this motherfucker. i'm so ready to be tiny, and i don't know what's holding me back but i don't even give a shit anymore, I WANNA BE SKINNY!!!!! *....and scene*

sorry, anger makes all the nasty words fall from my mouth. in other news, S is bothering the SHIT outta me. we have out Junior Paper due wensday and she is COMPLAINING and freaking out when it's really not that bad. like, she has maybe 1-2 hours of work left and 2 days to do it in. i have the actuall PAPER to write and those 2 hours of work, i'm close to just telling her to STFU. *and breathe*

also, her boyfriend's parents are anal nazi-christians. S CANNOT CALL HER BOYFRIEND, she won't kiss him (they're saving it for their marriage, along with sex, OBVIOUSLY @.@), his parents make him have a sibling chaperone everytime they see each other, it's freaking insane, how the hell are you to adequately get to know someone with your family breathing down your fucking neck. and of course S comes to me to, well, not really complain 'cause she would never out right complain, but roundaboutly complain. where she'll tell me the situation and sigh heavily so i ask what's wrong and then she tells everything with this tone that implies complaining. have i mentioned that he told her that he was hurt when she told him that she doesn't have time to talk to him every day. she now has a job, homework, and a family she basically mothers, she really doesn't need a freaking clingy BF right now, she needs someone she can cry to and hug.


ARGGGG, ANGER, and the worst part is i can't tell her this b/c it would break her heart and kill me in the process.

also tell me who this is:
just guess who you think this is. i'll tell you next post.
Elle

extremely sorry for the rant post, i just needed to let that anger go in a non-violent manner. Blogger got the short straw. ALSO!!!! (god, so many also's) i have 85 FUCKING AMAZING FOLLOWERS. *pagant girl voice* Oh...MY... GOD, i didn't expect this, oh my god, thank you *tears while uselessly waving my hand at my face*

though seriously, i love yeh.

CINN- i LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH, it's rediculous, i laugh at all your comments, Je T'aime, Ma Cherie.

i am a hefer, i go moo...

sleep over from Friday to Saturday with my friends, Chinese food and copious amounts of Doritos and lays chips. (BAD ELLE, PUT THAT SHIT DOWN)...i didn't.

woke up then slept Saturday away. that night i was 267, and then 262.2. this morning i was 261.0 so i'm back, no loss or gain, which suits me fine. until i made brownies. they've been starring at me from the cupboards since i bought them months ago. Dark Chocolate and Cheesecake Swirl = EVIL IN EDIBLE FORM. i have to run a mile today in order to stay on track with my schedule. i didn't run Thursday or Friday. i did homework instead.

it's nice out, i'm thinking a trip to the gym. all aboard the Fat train. i have no suitable work out clothes. all the pants i have hug my fat-hang. and to quote Marshall from How I Met Your Mother "leaving judgemental teeth marks on your thanksgiving belly." except substitute thankgsiving for EVERY DAY OF THE FUCKING YEAR. Blarg.

intake:
-brownies (500 cal- estimation)
-Chips and Bean Salsa (500 cal estimation)
Total: KILL ME

Output:
-NONE YOU FAT ASS!!

= MY LIFE.

sorry i'm being a whiny bitch right now but i feel fat and lazy and bitchy and i wanna just throw myself a tiny pity party. i hate myself when i do this. i'll be back tomarrow.
Elle

COMMENTS ON COMMENTS:
Cinn- on your comment from 2 post ago, you gave me the best compliment by calling me Lolita, you know that. I love lolis and i desprately wanna be one. more weird from the wierd factory.
Clytie- THANKS, i didn't know you could order lite frappicinos, seriously, i'll try it. LOVE!!

To the followers who thanked me: YOU'RE WELCOME, JE T'AIME YA'LL. (southern french, yeah i just went there)

Versatile Blogger again... :P

*the one in the middle has my perfect propertions, she's lovely, i would kill for her proportions.

well, bella nominated me again, so i'm gonna compromise. i will give 7 more things about myself but i really couldn't come up with 10 people who i've recently found, so how's that? this will also be part thinspo post b/c i haven't done one in FOREVER!!!

ALSO: i'm 260.0 on the dot at 6:00 pm today. i've also basically fasted cause i haven't had anything but gum all day. <3 this will probably be a long post, sorry.

7 Things:

1)when i was little (maybe 7-9) i was really outgoing, you wouldn't know it now but apparently i was an attention WHORE. My mom tells this story where a man was at an Applebee's and when his date went to the bathroom i turned to him and started chatting him up. well, his date returned and he proceeded to ignore me. i was outraged. on the way home that night i complained about how rude it was of him to not pay attention to me. my mom had to explain to me that there was a different between 9 and 23. that it would be really rude to his date if he had ignored her for me. i still was pretty angry. i was a big brat.
2)I manipulate people to get what i want. i know that's pretty bad but it's the only way i've found that works. i pull guilt trips routinely. i cry and whine and i get what i want. (god i still am a Brat, oh this sucks...)
3)i like to act like a cat, and make mewing noises when i'm happy or consoling a friend. like in the anime K-ON when Rio puts on the cat ears.(look it up if you have no reference point, it's completely adorable)
4)The reason i stopped being outgoing is because i watched too many Disney made-for-TV movies. i learned that the shy, quiet, cute girl gets the guy and the loud mouthy one gets the pain, so i changed. it didn't work...
5)I really wish i could do interpretable dance. i would dance to Florence and the Machine's Howl and Bird Song and Heavy in Your Arms. (seriously, look them up, you'll thank me, also Heavy in Your Arms is a good thinspo song.)
6)I hate girls wo gasp and scream at violence or blood. in Eco-Geo we're watching Planet Earth, and there are scenes where a lion kills an elephant or where a fox kills baby geese. it's freaking life, not some happy little movie where one can deny the bad things. i hate dilusions.
7)this was harder the second time than the first.(sorry a cop-out, but it's really hard thinking of ourself from an outside persprctive)

SO now on the thinspo, it's a summer theme (sorry southern hemisphere, it's almost summer here so it might just be sad for you guy's going into winter T.T)








































Love to the clouds my little beauties,
Elle