2nd day of school,

i'm starting ABC tomarrow. and going to try to get through the whole thing, if i start working out 3-5 times a week(swimming laps for an hour) i will burn close to 1000 cals per workout soooo.....losertown says i'll be 248 by the end of september. that will be good. i have to fit into a size 16 dress by January 18th at least (my b-day, 17 yrs old!!)

anybody have any idea of how much you have to weigh to be a size 16??

today was fine until i got home. i had ruffles cheddar/sour cream chips (240 cal), cookie dough (550 cal, EWWW), and some sunflower seeds (320 cal)

lunch was 250 alone, so thats.....*computes numbers*

1360 cal today. and minus 503 cal for walking all day, that's 857 calories. i'll probably have to do more work today, and i wanna go swimming today. so maybe i'll be in the negative calories today, hopefully, surely.

ugg, i just wanna take back that mini-binge i just did, i wanna go put it back, but i can't undo it.
here's to hope for a new day and the ABC.
Elle

back to school...

what to say, it was...good, for like the first time in a while, my loveable friends didn't mind that i only ate 1/2 of my soup, an orange and half of a cheese stick. (121 cal all together) what got me in trouble today is that my mom bakes homemade cookies for the first day of school since i was like 5 so, i had a few. but i walked all day (501 cal burned) so i basically cancled them out.

i'm going to love Reading for College this year, my teacher is amazing and i have really cool classes and it is the exact opposite of what last year was. i beleive this year will be a succes. the new eco-geo teacher is HOT!!! 22, right outta college and hillarious and dorky in the cutest way. i think he will be good eye-candy for when i can't have real candy, hehe.

tomarrow will be the actual first "real" day of school, this is gonna rock, hope you all had lovely days. Best luck and strong wishes,
Elle

hello, my beauties!!

i didn't keep to my liquid fast but i'm starting the ABC in the next 2-3 days so i fell ok. saturday was really good, my total cal intake until about 6-7 pm was 0, and then i binged. but that was the day i decided to lug my heavy ass off the couch and go swim laps around the pool at the y,i burned probably 1000 cal burned, so i lost weigh. i'm 269.0 lbs, today. i had a bridal shower to go to, and i snacked there. (i'm guessing 600 cal total) plus lunch which was 35 cal. and i think i'm done.

tomarrow is school, i'm bringing lunch, which will be a cup of miso soup(35 cal). i'm a little nervous about eating there again, b/c this year i'm with people who will actually call me out on eating maybe 5 bites of an apple and being finished. hopefully they don't care.

till tomarrow,
Elle

good morning, i'm 270.4 (so i gained a pound) but i plan on liquid fasting for the next two days. and maybe monday too, if i can get around my friends at lunch.

monday starts the begining of a new school year, and i'm gonna tell you guys a little more of why i've started wanting to lose weight. well, basically i made a promise to myself that i wouldn't enter high school fat...well that promise fell through the crapper, so then i made a promise last year that i wouldn't enter senior year fat, and that's one i plan to keep. i want to be at LEAST a size 8-6 by senior year, i really want to be a size 4. but we'll see.

everyone seems to be doing alright, if a little out of control, well lovies we'll get through it. we WILL be lovely and have all the little boys(or girls, ^_-) running about. and we'll be the coolest shit since sliced bread.

here's to a fucking good day!!
Elle


Olivia Wilde, the prettiest bi-curious fake doctor ever.

lovies, i'm still here.

i went with a friend yesterday to shop and generaly screw around at the larger mall in columbus. ate vegetarian soba noodles, a starbucks chai latte and then had an auntie Annie's pretzle that we shared. and we walked for like 2-3 straight hours. this morning i was 269.4 but all day i've been fucking up (mom and dad bought candies and choclates, so yeah it's not pretty) i'm probably at 600 cal. i've slept for like 16 hours today. and now i'm shaking. i don't know why, but my muscles don't seem strong enough to hold me up. ugg, i think it's b'c of the excessive sleeping.

i'm gonna skip dinner tonight, and until monday i'm gonna liquid fast. water, soup, and tea is gonna save my lard ass.

monday starts school, and i've only lost about 13 pounds. T.T i fail, but school will help, i do better on a regular schedule.

i also bought a thick ass VOUGE that i spent 2 hours looking through for all the thin lovely models. i love fashion. i have about 20 now that i've started to cut from mags.

love till the end,
Elle


i adore these thinspo pics, they're soo beautius.

The Year of My Revival

hello my gorgeous sparrows,

well, today seems good, i'm down to, got this, 269.8 lbs. i'm estatic about this development. and i'm going to keep a low cal count today. it's about 2:20 pm and i've already eaten all i want to eat today. i think i'll liquid fast saturday and sunday.

i plan not to top 600 cal today.
Breakfast- sobe lifewater (0 cal)
Lunch- leftover veggie lasagna (350 cal)
Dinner- Miso soup w/ mushroom chunks (43 cal)
Snack-(options)
-sobe lifewater
-regular water
-green tea w/ 2 sugars (10 cal)

ok, i need to let off steam so here it comes...

well, my father want's to spend time with me before school starts. i'm not particularly thrilled with this idea, seeing as i have nothing in common with him and i don't particularly want to do anything. of course, i myself can't tell him this because for as long as i remeber he has "beaten" my ability to say no out of me. now my mom, she doesn't understand why i can't just tall him myself, and she wants me to spend time with him. But i have 5 days of summer left, 2 of them i am doing something. and frankly i don't feel like wasting the last of my summer doing something i don't wanna do with someone i don't particularly like.

*sigh* what do you all think?

i'm calling the upcoming year (haha, i start my years according to the school year) The Year of My Revival. this year, i'm gonna get tiny, i'm going to speak my mind despite what others think and feel, i'm not going to do things i don't want to do, and most of all i'm going to find me again. the last few years i've gotten caught up in everyone around me's bullshit, and i don't want that anymore. i have 2 years before college. i'm not gonna squander them.

i'm going to start a new gadget on my blog giving me things i wanna do before i graduate.

shine like a star in the night sky girls,
Elle

Post Updated

hey lovlies,

ugg, why is it that when i get a tiny triumph all my reserve and control goes to shit. here's the story.

ate like crap yesterday, junking all day long, and to finish the monstrosity of a day, Chinese food overdose. woke up this morning and i have gained a pound. ugg, so i'm thinking of liquid fasting for the next two days. i would really love to be in the 26o's by school starting in 6 days. i'm 271.4 now. i think i can, i think i can. i plan on going to the gym tomarrow, i don't give a flying fuck about my foot anymore, i need a really good work out.

so here's the plan for today

Breakfast - O calorie SoBe Lifewater (0 cal)
Lunch - smoothie - ice and 1 contanier strawberry yogurt and strawberries (206 cal)
Dinner - Miso soup with mushroom chunks (43 cal)

also thinking of doing the ABC again when school starts. it'll be easier when i have an exact schedule to stick to.

Love,
Elle


UPDATE

hey, well today didn't go as expected, mom made veggie lasagna, my fave, and i had 2.5 servings but i burned 388 cal today. making my intake only 271 cal. i didn't have that smoothie, instead i took a nap. until the last hour i had only had that sobe lifewater, so i am alright. still gonna try to keep my intake to only liquids tommarrow. ALSO, holy mother of god i have 20 followers, and i love each and every one of you,
you all make my life beautiful.
Elle

hello, lovies!

well, not much time today, i'm picking up my schedule for my JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL!!! i might update a little later. when i am coherent enough to be understood. i woke up at 6:40 this morning and guess what.... mornings SUCK!! i was up till 12:30 last night, so i only got about 6 hours of sleep.

anyways, i'm also at 270.6 lbs this morning. meaning i've lost almost 13 lbs so far. and i wanna thank you for being there to help me out when i needed it and to congragulate me when i succeded.

i love you all.
Elle

UPDATE
well, i'm back and i must say all day i've been very bad. 2 sugar cookies for breakfast, small Arby's curly fries for lunch, and 1/2 serving of jelly beans for a snack. apparently my body is craving sugar and grease. i've only had about 477 cal though factoring in house work and cleaning and walking.
i have lunch with my friends at school, which is good, but also bad as they are the only people who can get me to eat. when i go back to school i'll probably center most of my cal intake for the day on lunch. S would have a cow if she knew i was loosing weight this way. i have math first thing in the morning with my toughest teacher so that's always a plus... and 6 of my 8 classes are AP. Lovies, i'm gonna need you guys more through this school year than i've ever needed anyone before.
ttyl,
Elle



is this girl not the most beautius woman you have ever seen, if i had to be re-incarnated i'd want to be her.

hello,
well i didn't expect that hiatus, but my brother wouldn't get off the computer thursday and my mom and i had a HUGE fight friday. and yeasterday i went to the local festival with my friends, and ate like a motherf*cker. (probably 1 whole medium cup of fries, and 8 tsps of ketchup, and some vinegar.) and then after the fireworks i gashed my foot open on a tent stake, and my mom called the fire dept. i died right then of embarassment.
there will probably be no working out for the majority of this week. maybe by friday i'll feel ok to work out. but somehow i lost weight, i'm back at 271.4 and there are no complaints.

arggg, me and my mom usually get along vey well, but sometimes she just can't control my brother(he has ADD and probably some form of Autism) and i can't help giving advice on parenting (she's not very strict with punishments...blah blah blah) and so we had it out. i spent friday night in my room refusing to speak with anyone (or eat).

well,i think we're better anyhow, but she never talked to me about it, i just kinda gave up. which i always end up doing.

ok, sorry about the whine-fest over here. how are you beauties doing? i hope you've all been well.

love to everyone,
Elle

WTF!!!!!!??????

so this morning all is going good...until i step on the scale. it says 274.4, i freak out, and go take a shower and pee. i come back and the scale says 272.4. so right now i'm more than a little pissed off, maybe i'm gaining muscle, because there is no way i gained fat after last nights work-out. the last thing i ate was at 6:45 pm. and even that was only 3 peices of shrimp and a few grains of rice. damn it all to hell.

*humph* hope you all had better mornings than i did. apparently i'm not doing strength machines any more at least not on this weight.

we will eventually fly to the moon, Loves,
Elle

hey, had an ok day today, it felt like i lost all control but in reality i didn't even top 700 cal today.

going to the gym to do weight machines and then walk 16 min and run 4 min. today was the first time i had to dodge my parents to stop from eating. dad made stir fry, and i really couldn't eat that or else i would have topped 700 by a mile. so i ate a fep shrimp and then he went downstairs to his "Man Cave". our family isn't exactly loving... we really don't depend much on each other, but i'm really needy and attention whore-y.

i've recently gotten all the books about ED's at my library in my hands (at least the fiction and testimonial ones). currently reading Wasted by Marya Hornbacher and Diary of an Exercise Addict by Peach Friedman. both are really good, but i find Diary easier to read.

ttyl,
Elle




Update
Apparently i burned about 405 calories today so i'll lose weight. tomarrow, here i come. i'm going to see Wicked with my mom. i haven't really thought about how i was gonna eat there, but i'll make it work...somehow.
Love to you all,
Elle

hells yeah, this is what i'm talking about. went to the gym last night for an hour and this morning i've lost 1.6 pounds. *does little cheering dance*

my stupid gym has the pool closed for matinence or i would have swam laps for an hour and then did the 20 minutes on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the strength machines.

ate really well yeasterday too, toped at 425 cal. and so far today i've only got about 55 cal in. I'm BACK BABY and BETTER THEN EVER!!!

hope all you lovley ladies are doing exceptional.
Elle




UPDATE
hey, it's just about 11:40 pm here and i've topped off at somewhere around 1800 cal, which to me sounds pretty disgusting but i'm going to the gym tomarrow so i'm gonna work it off. even though i ate pretty horribly today, i find no reason to hate myself about it, i'm just gonna look to the horizon for another day, another oppertunity to do better.
lovies, i wish you all well.
Elle

this weekend was not friendly to me or my wish to be skinny. started friday, going to the library w/ my mom (she's a librarian) and i ate too much and didn't work out enough. Saturday got worse, went to the fair and ate my weight in fryed foods. and sunday i gave up all hope and just decided to finish the weekend by eating 2 bowls of pasta and sauce. then i took laxies and this morning i'm 273.6, all i can say is that i would be nothing w/o laxies.

this week IS GOING to be BETTER. i'm working out 3-4 times this week, and i will go to the local fair and i'm giving myself a choice.i will probably go 2-3 times, so i can have 2 fried things. (ie: elephant ear, fries, ect...) and that is it. i will walk all day and have a beautiful time w/ my friends when they get back from band camp this weekend.

how are you guys doing, is everything going well (i've had computer trouble this weekend also). i will try my best to read all your guys' blogs but i probably won't comment. sorry >.<

anywho, i was reading this blog (http://brakingthroughtotheotherside.blogspot.com/?zx=5ab9d66318143b44)and her post got me thinking, for a while i've been calling myself "questioning" and it's just that the more i think about it the more i think i am Bisexual, i have a friend (S, i've called her, tiny, blonde, sweet as sugar) and i think i have a crush on her. i know it won't work out b/c she has a BF and we would be a horrible match but i love holding her. when her BF makes her feel insecure or she feels lonely or scared she comes to me and i talk her down, tell her that she's CRAZY BEAUTIFUL, and that her BF is a fucking asshole for being so insecure himself that he makes her feel bad. i really don't wanna come out to anybody yet seeing as i have just discovered this myself and H didn't take it well when two of my other friends came out to her. (i'll call them L and J, they're dateing and soooo cute together) i'll wait probably till college (or if i get a GF/BF) to tell my family and friends. i just wanted to be honest in this blog.

love you all, you crazy beautiful ladies,
Elle

hey girls,

i actually ate what i wanted today and didn't go over 700 cal (1/3 cup seafood bisque, a pizza turnover, stirfryed veggies and noodles *no actual stir frying was done* and 1 strawberry = 694 cal) DAMN AM I GOOD OR WHAT??!!!

and i walked about 1 city block, up 3 flights fo stairs (twice) and back down a couple of times= 700 some cal burned.

damn i feel good, thank god i got outta the house, though i was starting to feel like i can't take my fat ass anywhere, but when i got in my jeans today i had virtually NO muffin top (which is usually horrendus) and my jeans were litteraly falling off me. i kinda wanna be a size 18-20 by the time school starts (2 weeks, 2 days, i'm a size 22 now) so here goes nothing.

can't go to the Gym tommarow but i can go on sunday w/ mom. which means i've only gone to the gym 1 day outta the week. Next week WILL be bettr. i've gotta go at least 3 times, desireably 4, but mom works a lot sooooo. joined the virtual trainer program at the gym so i can use other machines besides the treadmill(only thing i can work so far) and track progress.

Lovies, i'm feeling Good.
Elle

hello lovies,

last night i binged but managed to stop myself around 10:30 pm. then i tryed to purge but since i was little i've had a pathological fear of puking so that didn't work (and i'm glad it didn't b/c i don't wanna go there), so i took laxies, and this morning i was 273 lbs. Holy Shit!!!, that's the lowest I've been since starting this journey. i might get below 260 by next week. i know the laxies were a last resort but i felt that i really couldn't gain the weight back again, it would have torn me up and i'd be really angry.

I'm gonna try to cut artificial sugar (IE: processed crap) out of the food I'm eating and that should help keep the binging to a minimum.that was a big part of the bingefest last night, i started with 2 milkduds (30 cal) and it spiraled from there

i'm really happy that i lost weight even though it was b/c of laxies. i hope you all had better days yeasterday than i did.

keep your heads up beauties, we can make it. never let them see you cry.
Elle




UPEDATE

hey lovies, i didn't count very accurately today and i have project stress to deal with so...fuck. but i probably came in under 500 cal. so i feel alright. i'm going to the library tomarrow so probably no update but i have my meals planed and packed so no bingeing is possible. and Glorius stairs. (didn't get to the gym either but i'll try tomarrow.)
LOVE TO YOU ALL,
Elle

I would KILL to look like Blake Lively, she is magnificent.

O my, i have 15 followers >.<, that's so...wierd for me. i feel honored that you all cared enough to click that button and that you guys comment and give me more support than i've ever had before *omg tears, i'm honestly crying right now*

i LOVE you all sooo much. *sorry sappy-ness over now, back to business*

well, today plans changed and my friend and i are gonna work on that paper due friday, i'm at 275.6 this morning (25 lbs 'till pics :)!!), so i'm really possitive and doing good. still working out tommarow and going job hunting. i'm gonna try the local resale book store. maybe they have college kids going back for the school year.

gtg, my friend will be here soon, there are no words to express the love i have for you all, so just....Thank you.
Elle


more Blake, she really is beautiful.

have a beautiful day!